Change.

In this place, in this time…I’m afraid. I’m deathly afraid.

I am not sure about what is going to happen. I don’t know what’s in store for me. I’m taking a huge step out into the unknown. And I am afraid.

I put on a brave face on a daily basis. I take my securities from the things I know, from the things I’m aware of and my constant knowledge that if something happens, I’ve got a Plan B. I’ve got my escape route. Now, I’ve heard people say that planning to run probably means that you’re going to run anyway so why bother going ahead in the first place. Well.

There’s something about the above photo that I like. I’m shorn. I’m naked physically up top, my insecurities exposed for all to see. Perhaps I’m not such a tough guy.

I used to think that it made me look tough. I thought the close cropped visage would stare back at me in the morning like my desktop picture. And tell me to harden up. And I so wanted to. I want to harden up. Be more brave. Be more….precise in what I do. Be more on to it. Be more proactive about it. The convict look gave me the exterior that I never felt on the inside. I’m more of this kind of guy, usually.

Your typical average computer nerd. You know, the kind of guy who’s absolutely useless unless he’s in front of a computer, the one that would discuss gaming strategies and tactics with friends and drink iced lemon tea and eat kam pua mee and read and bug out in front of the computer.

So when the hell did I turn into this?

I knew I liked dancing. But I never knew that I would be this man with dance shoes, swaying a lady on the floor.

Today has been a long day and I’ve been writing this post since morning. I’ve gone to work, come back during lunch, typed a bit more and then I’m back here again, continuing this stupid post. Yes, as you can probably tell, I’m getting just a little frustrated.

There’s so many things to think about as of late, especially with me looking at leaving and the end date approaching closer and closer. I need to get out. I need to pack and sort and tidy and oh dear lord…there’s so much to do. And so little time.

Change. Change indeed.