Awakened.

It was late afternoon when I went downstairs, hoping to grab a certain machine off a certain nurse in the outpatients department. I was standing chatting to her when I saw another lady, apparently a nurse as well, waving to me and heading in my general direction. Initially, I struggled to place her, with her smiling at me and all, seeming really friendly. And then I realised. She was the daughter of one of my patients who passed away over the weekend. A man who came in with a pneumonia that never got better and then he slowly started to fade away.

 

Hey, how are you?

 

"I'm good. Hey, I want to thank you so much for what you've done for Dad."

 

Look, I'm so sorry about what's happened.

 

"You know, its okay. He lived a full life. He's hunted all over the South Island, he's travelled all around the world and saw so many different things. In the end, I think its that we just wanted him to be comfortable. After that first session, you didn't really come back, though..."

 

Yeah, especially with him being so sick, we weren't sure about how to progress treatment and whether it was advisable for him to get intensive physio treatment for his pneumonia so it was a all a bit up-in-the-air really...

 

"I've got to thank you, though, for what you've done. After you treated him that day, he didn't cough anything up but he was more comfortable and he passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday. So yes, you did make him feel better. And thank you."

 

You're welcome. And sorry again for what's happened.

 

"It's okay. You have a good day now."

 

I will.

 

***

 

And as I turned and walked away, I realised that sometimes, its these little moments. These little sparks in a life that might seem dull and empty, in a career where every single day, you're treating someone ill and sick and debilitated by their bodies and yet...its worth it. A simple thank you. A box of chocolates. A card. A hug.

 

I walked away, thinking that perhaps, maybe. Just maybe.

 

I could last one more day doing this job. I could maybe just eke out a little bit more energy doing this. I could perhaps, given time and care and energy, grow to love it.

 

And then I thought about tonight's social salsa and I still think that dance would be the coolest thing on the planet to do. =P

 

On a completely different note, I suck at dancing. Was watching myself performing at an event last year and I cringe to see my form. Sloppy, arms and legs all over the place. Smooth? Certainly not. I hope that I don't look like that when I film myself later this week.

 

Bleh.

 

And its home time.