Dance Reflection

 Looking for my muy caliente salsera, the mystical, legendary, Suzy Q

I’m getting some inspiration back. +D

I’ve been thinking about this topic for ages – regarding one person dancing and his/her partner or relationship partner not being a dancer. I used to think that this would probably make or break my whole idea of a relationship. Surely, someone like me who literally lived for dancing could not possibly have a girlfriend or a wife or a partner of sorts who didn’t dance as well? That would be sacrilegious! Absolutely unheard of.

For most of my friends who do know me, they know that I dance at every opportunity I get. I would dance every night if I could. I would practise my hip movements or my shoulder movements in the mirror, watching for that perfect technique and aiming to get things just right because after all, its all important when you finally get out onto the dance floor. You would not want to be practising there at that point in time. You would want things to flow naturally from the seconds and the minutes and the hours of practice that you would have put into it in front of the bedroom/bathroom/hallway/wherever mirror.

And then I read this in today’s Stuff website. Which made for interesting reading, really. A Wellington blogger who’s very much into her triathlon and training plans for it threw in the phrase “triathlon widow” into Google and apparently, there’s heaps of wives and husbands (more wives than husbands in this case) who are long-suffering spouses of these triathletes. Nothing like new training gear, new competition gear, new nutrition plans, new everything for that elusive best training time.

So then I thought to myself, “Obviously, with me being so deeply entrenched in the whole dancing universe, I’m sure I’ve met my fair share of people who are obviously in the same boat!”

I decided to plug in the phrase “dance widow” and see what the almighty Google has to say about it.

And there is absolutely nothing, apart from the one dance site.

And I have encountered the exact same problem with dancers. And their long-suffering spouses who wait at home while their dancing counterparts sneak into the house late at night after a salsa party or an awesome workshop or a lesson.

At present, there is only ONE couple that I know of that are both dancers. And they’re the dance instructors. Everyone else comes in solo. There’s a single dad. And a single mum. And other single people that come along. Young adults, not attached, walking in, dancing.

I was talking to one of my friends who’s this lady in her late 60s. A really enthusiastic ballroom, latin, and salsa dancer but unfortunately, her husband doesn’t dance. And for me, someone who is so enthusiastic about, I find it hard and just a little bit sad when a dancer shows up sans their actual spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend and end up dancing with everyone else.

Now, I’ve dated a few girls with whom I have danced with in the past. However, I must say that we’ve never been dance partners as well in our relationships. Sure, sometimes, our dating relationships didn’t last for too long but even for the moments where we did dance together, it was always a brief moment in our relationship. In my last one that I had, dance was perhaps a bit more ingrained into it as we both started salsa together, albeit me a lot longer than her. But sometimes, my brief happy moments consisted of her swaying her hips in a bachata. God, that woman could move.

But its never really been anything particularly longstanding, the whole dancing thing. Pity, really.

I remembered my old Dance Mentor telling me that people who dance together that are also in a relationship dance that much better together because of the extra chemistry. Call it sexual, call it physical, call it emotional or spiritual or whatever. Its an extra bond. Its another way of connecting. Its another way of recognising the person more than just someone you hold in your arms and move to music with, its also a person that you cherish and someone that you spend time with and know outside of this scope. Bringing them into dance, especially if one person dances and the other does not makes it all that much more special.

In my honest personal opinion, I would want a dancer as my girlfriend/spouse/partner/significant other. I would want this woman to be able to share this part of my world with me. Because dancing is my life. I cannot do without it. As much as I talk about my computer games and other things that temporarily grab my interest, I know that I was made to move on the dance floor. Its one of those things where a bright flash of light hits you and you know that whatever you are doing at that present moment, that is exactly what you are meant to do.

Dancing is one of those beautiful things that can’t ever really be described in words. You know how dance teachers would always talk about a couple moving as one on the floor, one of those intuitive, instinctive things that teaches you to move. But not just move. Its about leading. And following. And knowing that you keep her safe on the floor. You show her off. You show yourself off. You show yourselves off. You take her on this journey that maybe lasts 3 minutes or so but in that journey, you make her smile and marvel at what you are and what you are able to show her.

I guess for those dancers who date non-dancers, its always a risk that you actively take. You know that they don’t like moving on the dance floor or would usually prefer to do the whole epileptic chicken dance thing or the “jiggle and vibrate” on the dance floor. Ugh.

Call me a dance snob but that sure as hell isn’t dancing. Neither is lifting your preferred alcoholic beverage up in the air and bopping your head. That is SOOOO not dancing. Honestly.

But with non-dancers, I guess you get stuck with ones who watch tv. Or like to go out and drink. Or plays sport. Or would rather make a fire and stay home. You get those people. And I get frustrated with them. Maybe its because I don’t see the point of staying at home when I could be rocking the dance floor with an awesome song. Why stay sedentary? Floorplay is foreplay, is it not? But I guess its also not for me to judge. There are perhaps some redeeming qualities of people who don’t dance. Perhaps. Probably the operative word here, anyway.

Its never an easy topic, this one. And if you’d click on the link above, you’d find out all about it. Sometimes, there are certain issues that arises. For example, your spouse may feel threatened by your dance partner. Happens. Especially when they actually find out how you two move on the floor together. And I’ve seen and heard of relationships that have broken up due to dancing and dance partners. Ugly indeed.

And in the end, its all about choice. Its all about what you want. And what one person wants is always different from another.

Me? You can always find me on the dance floor. And if I’m dancing with some chick who’s also romantically attached to me, you can be damn sure that she’s dancing with me for real. And enjoying it too.