Alone.

For the last 36 hours, I was on my own.

Two of my siblings had taken off on a bike trip through the central rural parts of this part of the South Island while the other one was hanging out with a friend for a good part of the day.

And I woke up to an empty house early in the morning yesterday. Did I wanted to do (which basically consisted of nothing apart from walking around, eating, and checking out stuff in town) and did a few things that I didn’t want to do (for example, losing my wallet, making a police report regarding said wallet, and having to wait til about 8 for the other sister to pick me up from a computer lab) and napped.

Yes. I napped. AspiringPerfumer, shush.

After having done enough of that day’s activity, I decided that I needed a quick forearms-on-table-rest-head-on-forearms kind of nap and I actually conked out quite nicely for about half an hour. I woke up pretty refreshed and raring to go.

So what does that probably mean?

It means that I get to stay up til about 12ish this morning playing a computer game.

Hm.

I woke up this morning at 11a.m. completely missing out church (which I had decided that I needed to go to, for some strange reason) and did a few house chores, cooked myself breakfast and ate it while watching MTV, which in all honesty, is just weird nowadays. There isn’t any good dancing on it, and talk shows are a bunch of crap.

I walked down to town, went to the last place where I lost my wallet (which was in the library) and found it. Watched a few Starcraft II videos on Facebook, and then went back to the police station to report that I had found my wallet. Then decided to hightail it back home.

UP the hill.

I was a nice sweaty mess when I got back up there.

Then I cooked an awesome dinner for the bike trip gang who ended up trekking through the door at about 8ish. Well, I think its awesome anyway.

Beef stew. The beef, tender, melt-in-your-mouth, in a nice salty broth, simmered in beef stock for 2 hours and served with casserole appropriate vegetables. A one pot meal, convenient enough for the bachelor who gets tired of standing at the stove for hours and would rather kill a few more people on his computer rather than watch meat simmer. *evil grin*

This, I would like to think, was the icing on the cake. To accompany a nice hot stew. I thought it was pretty good. I think the rest thought it too. =)

And all in all, its been a pretty good day.

The one thing that really hit me today was how much I enjoyed being on my own. Now, this was going to be a blog post for a long time now but I have never gotten around to writing it seriously. But now when I think of it, I think the possibility of me staying single for the rest of my life is fast becoming more and more of a reality.

Remember my dream day? The one that involved me and three computer screens typing in a darkened room surrounded by my floor-drobe and empty takeaway cartons? Compared to the one where I talk about the mysterious dance lady?

I’m not sure about my dreams anymore.

I want to find a middle ground to all of this. But I am not sure where I stand anymore. And I want facts.

And the only fact that I can really come up with right now is that I know that I am not always happy when I am around other people but I can definitely be happy when I am alone.

Strange, I never knew I was that much of a hermit to begin with.

Sure, I’ve always enjoyed my own company but I think that my infatuation with solitude has increased exponentially since I moved down here to stay with the family over the Christmas break and while I’m waiting for my work pass to go through. I”ve been surrounded by family all this time and while its great, I’m totally missing my own time outs that I give myself whenever I come back to Wangas.

I miss having full and total control of my life. I miss having the quiet of my room. I miss the solitude that I impose on myself. I would have my music on. And I talked to myself. A LOT. (Is that a bad thing?)  I miss being able to just go out and do whatever I want and just live life on my own terms.

Hence.

Even with a relationship, I wonder whether I’ll be able to deal with someone in my life constantly. I’m sure that it won’t be a problem but would it pose a problem for someone who values his own time and his own space so much? Would it be fair to someone in a relationship with me to demand that much of them? Time and space wise? I mean, I’ve always idealised the idea of a relationship. Roses, chocolates, hugs and kisses, etc etc. And due to this, it makes me think that the idea of space apart in a relationship is odd. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.

But the ONE thing for now that I can probably take away with me is that I really. Really. REALLY. Like being alone. And I get cranky without it.