Hypocrite. Coward.

Yesterday

On a cold, dark night somewhere within the last 5 years, these words echoed in my ears.

All my troubles seem so far away

You fscking bastard! You hypocrite! You coward!


Now it looks as though they're here to stay


And they ring again. So clearly.

Oh, I believe in yesterday

I think about what I am right now, where I am, who I am and I wonder if this is what's really in store for me, sometimes. I don't know. To be fair, I'm not even sure.

Suddenly

All I know about this is that I'm planning each step of the way according to what I think I should do.

I'm not half the man I used to be


But sometimes, I just have to wonder...is it right? I don't know if this is the right way to go. I'm just putting in my 2 cents and hoping that my life doesn't crash into a tree or something.

There's a shadow hanging over me


I strongly believe that I make my own destiny. That I write my path. No matter what was indoctrinated in me, that the Almighty has plans, I believe that I make them happen. I'd like to think that at the end of this life, I could say that I did things in the manner that I wanted and guess what? I came out okay.

Oh yesterday, came suddenly


I believe that if I know what I want, I'll go for it. I'll jump headfirst over the edge, just to get it because I believe in it so.

Why'd she have to go, I don't know, she wouldn't stay


But I don't know what I want. I don't know. I want the best thing to happen. Like that song on the radio, about giving me everything tonight, for all we know, we might not have tomorrow.

I said something wrong now I long for yesterday


And as much as I know that I'll go for it, I'm scared. I hide behind this facade and tell myself to keep walking, stepping on that road that I'm already walking on. The Girlfriend said that I am very brave to be able to do what I am doing. I said, "No. Its not about bravery. Its about keeping momentum going even though I'm scared shitless." Because unless things fall to pieces, there's no turning back. Not here. Not now.

Love was such an easy game to play


I've got to keep going on. I've got to keep fighting, doing what I need to do to make it here. I have to survive. The body, the mind, the soul needs to survive. And there's no retreat. No losing ground. While I still have breath in my body, I must push on. I must.

Now I need a place to hide away


And at the end of the day, this hypocrite, this coward? Relies on no one. I still make my own destiny. I just have to get out of this cowardly shell and made a goddamn stance for once.

Oh, I believe in yesterday