Lili Marlene - Tommie Connor, 1944

Underneath the lantern
By the barrack gate

I write this post in favour of all those who, by nature, or by choice, have always chosen to be on their own a little.

Darling, I remember
The way you used to wait

Its a little secret each of us share. We may not know each other due to the nature of our personality. Other people don't understand us. We stand in a class of our own. We are proud. We are silent.

Twas there that you'd whisper tenderly
That you loved me
You'd always be

We are the introverts.

My Lili of the Lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the introvert as, "one whose personality is characterized by introversion; broadly: a reserved or shy person." Further investigations into "introversion" brings up: "the state of or tendency towards being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life."

Time would come for roll call
Time for us to part


I think that's a really unfair statement to make on our behalf.

Darling, I'd caress you
And press you to my heart


I do not think that we are predominantly concerned and interested in our own mental life. It makes me sound snobbish and arrogant and that is the last thing I am, if anything. Or maybe that is just me?

And there 'neath that far off lantern light
I'd hold you tight
We'd kiss goodnight


I just think that us introverts enjoy being alone a lot more than other people.

My Lili of the Lamplight
My own Lili Marlene


But people just do not get that.

Orders came for sailing
Somewhere over there

They think I am snobbish, I could not care less about my friends, I do not want to make an effort to hang out with people around me, I do not bother having friends, I want to be left alone on my own.

All confined to barracks
Was more than I could bear

But that is simply not true. I really just enjoy being alone on my own a lot more than other people do. Its like the whole Marmite/Vegemite argument. Some people like it. Some people do not. That is all. Simple.

I knew you were waiting in the street
I heard your feet
But could not meet

But for some reason, when I mention this to people around me, they try and justify why I am like this. And it gets tiring. It really does. In the end, people around me just get frustrated because I will not break out of my self-imposed social shell and I get fed up with trying to explain to people why I put up this so called "barrier" to begin with.

My Lili of the Lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

My good friend, the Sociologist (who perhaps, is also an introvert but a lot less so) puts it in the best way I can think of when she once commented, "When I am around people, I slowly and surely get drained. But when I am on my own, I recharge my batteries. Unlike the Wallflower, who when he is around people, he gets re-energised but on his own, he tends to become sluggish and quiet."

I like the analogy of batteries and recharging. I have been feeling a lot of that lately.

Resting in our billets
Just behind the lines

Its happened rather recently as well. Having had the Girlfriend move down recently, we ended up in a bit of a mental struggle to place each other as to where we are at purely because I brought up the fact that I sometimes struggle with having someone around me all the time now when previously (and for most of the time), I was always on my own. Sure, I had my friends but even then, in good ole' Wangas, I would come home to an empty room where I do not need to talk and I could just do whatever the hell I want and think and read and write. Whatever. All I basically missed was the time that I had to myself to just do nothing or everything. At any point during the day, I could retract into my "shell" and disappear from the world. Climb on the bike and pedal to the furthest point and sit and watch the boats go by on the river. I can sit and daydream and its all okay.

Even though we're parted
Your lips are close to mine

Where people would usually ask for a friend for dinner or to the movies or to go and grab a coffee/beer, I am more than happy to just grab a chicken and bacon fried rice from my favourite takeaway spot. Read books in the library or on the grass. Sweet sticky chicken noodles and a bottle of Coke Zero on the Riverfront. Catch the movie on my own. Chug away on a beer or a bourbon and coke and read a book in the bar. Quiet. On my own. Write in my journal and write a whole bunch of nonsense and sip gingerly at a double shot espresso.

You wait where that lantern softly gleams
Your sweet face seems
To haunt my dreams


PERFECT.


My Lili of the Lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

I guess probably the best way to explain...oh wait. I do not really have to justify WHY I like my own space and time to myself, do I? Its stupid.

Its not about alienating friends. Or being snobbish. Or having poor communication from childhood. Not about trying to figure out how to give me more space. Nothing to do with you. Its all about me.

Because to be perfectly honest, I just enjoy my alone time more than you do.

So there.


*posted at 2.46a.m. Gonna crash so damn hard this morning.*