Scrambled...pieces.

I suddenly realised the reason why I used to blog so much.

It's because I used to be on my own so much. I was so used to living this life where yeah, I had a girlfriend overseas but apart from that, I was on my own. I had my friends, I had my family, and we'd talk but there were the glorious days where I would wake up and I would not say a word for the entire day. Bliss much?

Alone @ the beach

I could literally go on for days. There were weekends where I drew my curtains and shut myself in my room, gaming in the glow of the computer screen, playing my music out loud and fast, booming from my speakers. I would step outside my room to grab food or fry an egg or throw something that resembled dinner together and then I'll scurry back into my room again. I'd be a virtual bum for 48 hours and then I'd shave and attempt to look presentable for Monday morning work.

Solitude. It sounds amazing. Not to many but to me, it's something I crave for from time to time. The ability to disappear. Wander around, lost in the faceless crowd that is S'pore on a weekend in a shopping mall, and bask in my anonymity. [That said, I'm probably watching too many spy movies.]

The world seems to move slower when I'm on my own. 

I get lost in myself. Something I don't do very often now. There's too many things to read and see and do and I think I'm probably neglecting myself just a little. 

I miss letting my imagination run. I really do. 

* * * * * 

He's on the bus today.

There's usually this Japanese couple who sit right behind me whenever I get on the No.111 bus. They'll be chattering away in Japanese and she'll lay her head on his shoulder as he looks out the window, one arm draped around her shoulders. 

He's alone today. I take my seat across the aisle from him, dumping down my bag and adjusting the air conditioning.

He's looking out the window, gazing into nothing. His headphones are on. His head bobbed very gently but whether it was the bus or his playlist, I couldn't say. 

As I plugged my own earphones in, his phone rang and he slowly pressed the receive button on his headset. 

"Yes?" 

This was the first time I heard him speak English. Oddly stunted, thick with a Japanese accent. 

"Yes, thank you." His voice broke a little, twisting the "you" into a "yeah." "I'm not doing too good."

His shoulders start heaving, very gently. He blinks rapidly, quickly passes a hand over his eyes and he sniffs. He looks around, wary that he was about to lose it in public. I turn my head, giving him his visual sense of privacy. 

"I miss her too."

The sniffs are muffled by his sleeve as he buries his face for a few seconds. He shudders and then picks up the receiver. "We will be at the Assembly of God church at 9a.m. Saturday morning. I hope you can make it." 

Silence, his head bowed, as though in prayer. And then, a short, "Thank you. Thank you again." 

And then he ends the call. 

Our eyes meet and his are red. He smiles a sad smile and shuffles off the bus as the doors swoosh open. 

* * * * * 

*the above story is all part of my imagination. Really. The man was there today and the lady wasn't and I thought he looked a bit sad and then the creative side of my brain took over.