Words.

It’s only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away – Words, Bee Gees

Its been a while since I’ve written here.

And it seems like I’ve been waiting for something. Not too sure what.

Today has been a good day in regards to soundtracks. Yes, people, I tend to judge how good a day is by what songs end up being played on my phone put on shuffle. The more songs that come out that get a thumbs up and a mental head bop plus feet and hips moving out of my general conscious control, the better. And today rocked. So hence, today’s post will be sprinkled with good song lyrics. Don’t mind me.

Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes, you made my life worthwhile
So I told you with a smile
Its all about you – All About You, McFly

Yesterday, I attended a Ceroc Dance Workshop and everything just happened so fast. I was asked about my interest in running classes on a regular basis in Merlion City and then I was suddenly introduced to the whole business model, etc. Pretty full on for someone who has never done any of this kind of thing before. But after a lot of contemplation and words from the wise people around me who aren’t blinded like me (by my incessant longing to want to teach and manage a dance business), I decided that perhaps, going into this headfirst and offering money up isn’t really the best way to go about things. And then there’s the whole thing about me being employed by the Merlion City’s government to do my job as a physio, not dance teacher.

So in an attempt to try and keep things legal and me in the country, I had decided to NOT go ahead and take on the business model. I probably would want to try teaching classes though, although the training process would definitely be interesting. Let’s see how that would work.

Pah-see-yon – Angelical, Carlix

Being in Merlion City is still a scary experience. And its mindboggling how I could have finished 5 weeks of training, passed, and soon, I’ll be unleashed on the world and its patients. In a way, I still feel inadequate and apparently, this is all new. Its just the beginning. And hm, it’s a surprise that sometimes, I think I can do without.

Unlike this donut. This was welcome anytime, any day. Bring it.

Don’t cry out loud
Just keep it inside
And learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all – Don’t Cry Out Loud, Diana DeGarmo

This song has a certain particularly significant meaning for me in some way. Aside from the fact that Diana DeGarmo was a girl with a beautiful head of golden curls and that IMHO, she should have won American Idol Season 4, this song speaks of a lot of pride. A lot of self sufficiency. And that in the end, if all else fails, to remember that I was nearly there. I nearly tasted the sweet taste of victory. And, in a weird, maybe slightly fetishistic way, to cherish my losses. Hm.

Seems like a perfect background for a film noir scene.

But today was a beautiful day. Because as I stood in the MRT, I forgot that I was standing surrounded by some people who seriously need to learn to use deodorant. I was caught up in my little bubble. Dancing. In my head. I haven’t tried inflicting it on unsuspecting MRT goers.

And in my head, I was dancing to Elephant Love Medley.

We should be lovers
We can’t do that
We should be lovers and that’s a fact
Though nothing will keep us together
We could steal time just for one day – Elephant Love Medley, Moulin Rouge

Imagine lots and lots and lots of perfect lifts, the girl soaring high above the audience, spun round and round in perfect circles, emotions running wild. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Now, all I really need is to learn to do aerials properly. If I can forget that I’m still a psychological mess to begin with.

Unfortunately, I’m not that good at forgetting my worries and troubles with alcohol. I tend to blush really badly to the extent that some of my physio colleagues were wondering whether I had an intolerance to alcohol.

Ah, who cares! I exclaimed. What time do we start tomorrow at work?

"10.” Someone said. Not sure who.

All I need to know. And I poured myself a FULL glass of red wine.

For those who know me, my tolerance of alcohol is usually limited to ONE alcopop. Or ONE tumbler of bourbon and coke. Or 1/3 of a cup of red, taken with sips and balanced out with sips of water in between. This usually leaves me nicely buzzed and I can have decent conversations with people around me rather than getting all quiet because I’m the kind that gets sedated UTI. Under the influence, you idiots. I don’t have a bladder problem.

But one full glass of red wine, with liberally tossed half mouthfuls, rolled on tongue and swallowed in glee? Leads me to above picture, comparing my Asian flush to a bottle of ketchup. Charming. Absolutely. *polite applause*

And from my non-existent eyes, I was already getting sleepy. Yes, I am a cheap drunk.

Its all a matter of time, I think, for a lot of things. For me to settle down in my job, for me to settle in my dancing, for me to settle down in this place and find my own place to call my own, for me to do a lot of things. But I’m probably just impatient. And like a spoilt child, I want things NOW.

And personally, I think I still need a lot of self-reflection and soul searching. Unlike what I did earlier this year, I don’t think I really came up with anything that I wanted to take away with me for real. I’m still pondering and I’m still wandering around like that little kid who hasn’t quite made up his mind yet.

Yeah. Uh huh. I think the picture says it all. Good fun, though. I did most of the running while the others decided to go airborne.

You’ll see
Girl, I can set you off
Don’t believe my age is gonna slow us down
I can definitely show you things
That gonna have you sayin’ I can’t be 16 – Run it, Chris Brown

And while I’m on the topic of being a kid, the Higher Authorities obviously think I’m still maybe…..8? Because they’ve contacted even MORE of their long lost relatives, etc, to try and source a permanent place for me to stay. I’m THIS close *holds thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart* from telling them to let me GROW UP for once. I’m feeling bad enough staying with the uncle as it is. I appreciate the effort but for once, I would like to NOT be babied.

Tu es la lumiere
(You are the light)
La chaleur de mes nuits
(The warmth of my nights)
Sans toi, j’ai froid
(Without you, I’m cold)
Sans toi, je n’aime plus la vie
(Without you, I no longer love life) – Love de Toi, Kaysha

Damn, the songs just keep getting better and better. Love de Toi (Love Thee) is one of my favourite songs for brazilian zouk, which is intimate, extremely complicated at higher levels but enough connection to be had between dancers. Brilliant.

So, as the saying goes, it can only get better from here on. Right?

Was talking with the Walking Hormone and she mentioned offhandedly that “you have a lot of ifs in your life. Like you’re always wondering what would have been if you look a different step.”

Is it true? Am I really that discontented with what I have now? Or am I just spoilt? Considering all that I have and all that I am, I really am one of the luckier ones. I guess I should be more appreciative of the fact.

Maybe its time to just let go and follow the river. Go where it leads me.

I’m singing
Follow me, everything is all right
I’ll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won’t find nobody else like me – Follow Me, Uncle Kraker

Hey. Who can resist THIS face?

Err. Whoops. Maybe I do look like a kid after all. +P

Good morning, world!