Fear.

On this day in 2010, I said that I was not afraid anymore. 

Oh. How I wished I was not afraid anymore. 

I wished that I can choose my battles better. How I wish that I have wisdom and the courage and the love and the happiness to find joy and peace in what I do, where I do, in the people that I am blessed with the opportunity to serve and to heal.

Mummy G said that I needed to learn to choose my fights. That I could be the hero of my own silence or a victim of my own agression.

I need to think. I need to sit down and ponder. I need to lie in my bed and wonder about everything that is going on and remember that my life does not begin or end with my job. 

Lord, won't you give me strength, to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick, than now - Homesick, MercyMe