Flu-ish

You know how sometimes, you get the kind of flu that you battle for weeks on end? It always starts as an itchy throat and it rears its head some mornings. A bit of a sore throat, blocked nose, that kinda thing? A little hard to breathe initially and then by some miracle, it goes away completely and doesn't bother you.

So what does a normal human being do? Ignore it.

Annnnnddddd....now I've got it. 

Dammit, a month plus of not falling sick and then I finally succumb. Probably thanks to my awesome garlic pills and daily supplements. That said and done, I'm not taking enough veges which is probably causing part of the problem. 

I went to Bintan over the weekend with the gang and the Girlfriend for a quick getaway and just to get out of S'pore. It's amazing what just being an hour away from Merlion City does to ya.

Chill.

The sand wasn't honestly that great. It was cloudy for the best part of the holiday and the sun decided to peek out of the cloud cover 30 minutes into the entire day but meh. Who cared?

Lonely house

Being surrounded by sea and friends, with a fairly cool breeze blowing, we sat on the grass, ate junk food, suntanned, and played cards for a good 2 hours. By the end of it, we felt as though half the day had gone by when only 2 hours had eclipsed. Time seemed to slow to a crawl, as the saying goes. 

Beeeerrrr...

I kept fairly sober although the others were ordering rounds pretty much during every single meal. It's a pretty light beer (local brand) and pretty easy to drink. I kept my head as I didn't want to wake up with no recollection of the holiday. 

Obligatory floral picture that everyone takes with a camera

It was a good breath of fresh air. I felt a bit sad having to come back to Merlion City after that. I had plenty of rest, good massages, and a long day of doing nothing but eat, drink, play cards, chit chat, and stare out at the ocean. It was a good break though. I felt ready to return to work.

One of those funky ginger concoctions they give you post massages. I liked the way it burned down my throat.

Bintan reminds me very much of my grandfather's village in Malaysia. The roads are not very well paved, motorcycles are the norm, the sand on the beach is a pretty murky colour, kids running around, and houses made of wood. We stayed in a swanky (by comparison) concrete block with air conditioning. Oh, we're soooo spoilt.

* * * * *

I once asked the Girlfriend what would happen if I uprooted our lives, moved to the country somewhere in the UK and became a farmer. Yeah, I know right. Me. Farmer. I detest animals for a living. Literally. Imagine me having my own bloody cow and chickens and planting veges in the backyard. Must be my introvert me rebelling big time for some stupid reason. 

* * * * *

Stairs

The Higher Authorities, when they call me from time to time, ask about stuff that's been happening in my life that's new. I can hear it in their voices that they're wanting me to go home. As in Aotearoa home. They're wanting to hear that I'm heading back, luggage and boxes in tow, that I'm going home. And I don't know how to tell them that as much as it would be nice for me to head back and see them, I really don't think that Dunners or Wangas or wherever is the right choice for me right now.

Call it a gut feeling, I guess.

I once wrote in an old blog post that I hated the fact that I danced. Because for me, it would be a solid pillar in my life that I would protect to the ends of the earth. But it's good so far. 

And scarily enough, it's the only thing holding me back from moving. If Ceroc Singapore ever ceases to be, I'm out of here faster than lightning, luggage and boxes in tow, Girlfriend in hand.

Blurred.

There's a whole world out there. It's right there, just beyond my reach. And my indecisive self questions whether I'm making the right choice by staying here.

Birthdays, dance circles, and other shenanigans.

Quite a bit has happened recently. What with me and the Girlfriend aging a bit less gracefully, dancing helping me celebrate by making me dance with both men and women alike (no, not in that way), dinners, cakes, food, and more food, and oh well. I think I’ll let the pictures do the talking.

 
The Girlfriend hit the BIG 27 years young recently and of course, there was cause to celebrate. Cake, candle, a lovely sponge with crunch little bits on the inside and amazingly light cream ended an overly full Japanese buffet lunch.

As with all buffets, the more people eating, the merrier. So we took along one of the Girlfriend’s work colleagues who probably weighs half my weight but eats like a friggin’ cow. Good times.

 
Thought this quite cute so I plopped it up here.

It’s my 3rd birthday here in Sunny S’pore. I did not think I was going to make it this far for this long. There’s a proverb that I can’t quite grasp at that mentions something about time and perseverance and living life but I can’t really remember it. I keep thinking about the times I talked about hating my job so much and all the little different stresses but to be fair, Merlion City has been kind to me. I’ve enjoyed my stay here and with a few different exciting ventures popping up, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to stay for a little longer.

That said, I’m ending up feeling a little bit restricted. After all, tigers are solitary animals and they travel over large distances to get the space they need. (Click on the link if you lurve reading research articles.)

I like how the light blurs and sparkles in the background here. The Girlfriend is a bit up front and centre but I think she was getting slightly annoyed as I had more than a few false starts and with playing on the manual modes and getting apertures and shutter speed correct, she was like “HURRY UP!” Hence, the bad shot.

And here’s a hilarious video of me doing a dance circle at Ceroc the other night.

Thanks, y’all.

My dearest darling you,

To quote the infamous line from the Joker, "You complete me."

Yes, you.

Today, you turn 27. Today, of all days, 1 hour and 35 minutes after I came out into this world kicking and screaming, it was your turn. You yelled blue murder and your mum cuddled your bloodied body next to hers. 

Quite a picture, isn't it? And here we are. 8 years after I met you at Youth Convention, where I shook hands with you and hated your group of friends for taking away MY group of friends.

It was not a relationship that came easily to mind. No one would ever think that we would get together. A long distance relationship, over time, over many thousands of miles, and somehow, over the last 8 years, we kept it up. Crazy, huh? 

But we have changed. We certainly have.

Oh, we were so naive, both you and I. We were head over heels in love, falling all over each other, saving every single text message and email as though it held the life giving fluid in our veins. (On that note, I wonder why we always referred to it as veins. Maybe because arteries don't sound as romantic. Oh well.) Every goodbye was painful, every hello - a sunrise in a winter trodden world. In between though, there were tears. There were breakups. There were the awkward occurrences where we would talk again. Hesitantly. Not sure if this was the ground to tread this time. Not sure if it was worth it. But we gave it a shot. Again. 

And here we are. 

Sometimes, I wonder why you put up with me. I'm frustrating. Messy. Arrogant to a fault. Careless. Cynical. Sarcastic. Caustic tongued. I speak my mind. I live inside my mind and shell, talking to myself and then blurting out stuff you have never heard of and wonder where it came from. I'm incredibly dirty-minded and sometimes, I'm sure you ponder how much of a pervert I am. I have the fascination with video games and make believe characters that makes you shake your head and mutter, "Boys." I don't always watch your rom-coms with you. We disagree on our different passions. You head to the girlie stores while I am found wandering wide-eyed amongst the newest fangled gadgets and computers. 

So different. And yet, by some miracle (or probably just pure stubbornness), we're here.

I like how we've changed, both you and I. I like how, nowadays, we sit and we discuss things. Adult things. Like rent. Yes, I see you rolling your eyes at me. Or things like getting me to mop the floor today. Or planning exercise programmes to help us both lose some weight. How, back in the day, I would say something and you'd sulk about it for ages and vice versa. Now, we kinda just brush it off and consider it a done deal.

It's been an adventure with you, my love. It really has been. Having you in my world has changed what I thought my life would normally be. It's been great. 

So, darling, I want to say thank you. For putting up with my nonsense, the mess, the FAIL jokes, the occasional snapped remark after a day at work, the hardships that we both have been through. I hope that by hook or by crook, I'll be able to write another post next year for you, celebrating you, and the amazing woman that you are. 

I love you, Michelle.

Love,

Me.

The road not taken.

It's so cliche to quote Robert Frost. Really. Ever since I learnt that simple 4 line stanza poem in high school, it has always haunted the edges of my literary memory, to be thrown out at what seems like opportune times to bemoan the fact that things are not going my way and that I have to write down my sob stories. 

I wrote in the Moleskine the other night, saying, "This post is supposed to be about regrets." It is supposed to be about all the missed chances and strokes of luck that I have been brushing off and ignoring and how hindsight is a wonderful thing that I can look back on and inspect with a magnifying glass all the stuff I missed out on because I played it safe.

This is not one of those posts. 

Oh hell, no. It ain't at all.

This post is about the road that I took. Ole' Rob starts off his bit of poetry with,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both,

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth

 Good old poetry/literature will never voluntarily tell you that a road is a road. It will tell you that it is a choice, a means of tavel, a silken whisper, a dark bridge to the unknown. To describe it as a tar-sealed concrete path is just boring, no? 

People who have possibly read me in the past would know that I have always been fascinated by dancing and I enjoy it to the fullest. Dancing thrives in my veins like oxygen in my lungs. The sore aches that assemble themselves overnight from an evening of dancing is nothing comparable to half marathon aches. Even something as "light" as ballroom sets the calves on fire and I feel that my shoulders have been dislocated the next morning. Or maybe I'm just really unfit. Who knows, eh? One of my biggest dreams was to start a dance studio, complete with dance classes, etc. I'd be teaching every night or every other night and every night was a party in and of itself. The ceiling itself opened up to the heavens and on clear nights, the stars would sparkle and the moon would shine and I would open it up so everyone could dance in the moonlight whilst "Dancing in the Moonlight" played over the speakers. What a dream. 

But I always held back. I'd like to fault the Higher Authorities who always told me to focus on something more solid and more firm, and that education is the way to go and I should be focusing on my career. But I think its as much my fault as theirs. I never bothered to do more than just b*tch about it. Never tried to focus on taking up a teacher's training course, never bothered researching into how much capital I would have to sink into making this dance thing a reality. Just whining. All I did. Maybe if I did show them how serious I was about it, they would have supported me. But never mind. 

I've been living in Merlion City for the last two years. I thought that I was only going to be here for 2 years. This is rapidly approaching the 6 month mark of my 3rd year here in S'pore. How time flies. Really, it does. And every time I got ready to pack up and leave, something comes up my way. It faintly reminds me of when I was in Wangas. Dance happened for me. I stayed and stayed and stayed. I thought that I would be there for a while. And it was a complete paradigm shift that allowed me to move my arse, submit a resignation letter and then find myself halfway across the world from where I pretty much called my life around me home. 

It's probably deja vu. Goofy Girl sends me a WhatsApp message asking me if I want to teach ceroc in S'pore as she was looking to get it started. Had a call from a clinic offering me ridiculous amounts of money to do part time work. Had the interview but that fizzled out. Friend of mine hooked me up with an opportunity to supervise junior physios. That went through. I actually enjoyed myself going through notes, chatting to them, finding out what makes them click, recommending treatments and therapies, and then I get paid straight away for it. Awesome. 

Getting registration in S'pore is a cinch. Paperwork is going through and I can show that I am maintaining my practice of my normal day to day skills that puts money on the table. 

I signed up for beginner teacher's training. I think I passed it (still awaiting results since April.) Taught classes twice and got super excited about classes. Dancing is back on my mind. After the disappointment of 2011, my spirit crushed and wilted, I think I've found it again. I'm playing music in my head again, thinking how I would dance it, how I would do things differently and then realising that it is not worth it and I should allow myself to move to the beat naturally rather than plan it all out first.

It's been great. I'm starting to find that dancer's body sitting under a whole year of non-exercise. Slow and steady though. I've yet to start rockin' my previous 4 pack but let's hope that with regular activity, I can finally flaunt six. *wink*

At this stage, everyone probably thinks I'm just living the high life right now with everything going great around me. I wish I could agree to that statement but I can't quite say that just yet. There's still a few things that I'm hoping to fall into place before I agree that my life is awesome. My health and level of fitness is still a topic of contention and I'm still hoping that it will improve rather than stagnate and I'm left still in the same level of health that I was before. I'm still trying to find a source of excitement on a day to day basis but I dare say that I don't think I'm willing to go that far just yet. G is getting used on a daily basis and I'm practising and hoping that I'll be able to get some pretty good shots in so this blog isn't all about words all the time. 

So.

Yes.

This is the road I've taken. 

And like Rob's poem, I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence. Because when Goofy Girl sent me that message and I replied with a big, enthusiastic "YES!", when my friend hooked me up with that supervisory role and I leapt at the chance, I took that road less travelled by, and by the grace of God, that has made all the difference. 

I Made it thru’ the Rain – Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

It has been quite a few days since I posted here. Probably because I’m now hiding in my diary quite a bit. Is that a bad thing?

Previously, I used to think that it would be cool that my thoughts were privy to the people around me. Of course, not everyone around but enough people that I care about and with whom I would share my thoughts with. But it is starting to get a bit more difficult. Maybe it is an introvert thing. Too much sharing = too little privacy.

This was a compression t shirt that I picked out for a bit of motivation. A Reebok shirt with a Crossfit themed “No Excuses” etched into the sleeve, it made me want a tattoo all the more. Heh. But methinks that my 21 minute a day workout is starting to take effect, eh?

We keep the feelings warm
Protected from the storm
Until our time arrives

 
And in an insane moment of wanting to be fit, I made probably smartest fitness choice of my life – I bought a a pair of gymnastic rings. It also allows me to do my TRX exercises and revise them and heck, the stability required to use them is a pain in the proverbial.

Cleaning up my nutrition recently definitely helps – eating less rice and more protein and veges along with Noah’s arkload of water has had people asking me if I have lost weight. The above picture is what I eat on my cheat day. Yes. Cheat day. A day where my nutritional values go to hell and I am allowed to eat whatever the
!@$#$ I want. I obviously love  my cheat days.

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

The above bracelet reads: “Invictus: I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.”

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I make it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who got rained on too and made it through

It was taken from a poem of the same name, Invictus, and serves as a daily reminder for me that no matter where I am in Life or what Life decides to throw at me and as much as the Big Guy up there keeps me safe and trouble free, I am ultimately in possession of what happens to my life right now. And hence, I need to make sure that I take the steps to make it happen. Coincidentally, the great Winston Churchill quoted this same exact line in a speech during WWII where the Brits were having their asses handed to them by Germany.

So in the spirit of taking matters in my own hands, I go through literal sweat oceans whenever I exercise. It is definitely a psychological effect, sweating what seems to be the equivalent of a 1.5 litre bottle of water, that I feel slimmer after all the lactic acid burn although there is no evidence showing that more sweat = more weight loss. Unfortunately. And I am aware that it’s not a reputable source so shut up.

For the heck of it and also for the fact that I insanely signed up for a marathon (as in 42.195km, mind you), I joined a “fun” 10km run and dragged the Girlfriend into it. After early morning workouts where we are both left half dead at the fitness corner, she was able to finish the run with a glorious time of 1:30 hours. Not bad for someone who’d never run more than a 5k in her life, eh?

And to prove we managed to actually do it, here’s the related photo with her and her finisher medal. (That flashy thing around her neck with the repeated 2XU branding on it. Me, I’m not wearing the finisher medal but I rarely end up that red without a lot of physical exertion. Trust me on this one.

 
Pardon the poor shot.

This is a picture taken on the same day as the run where, as a treat for both of us for doing such a good job in running that torturous 10k. There’s a secret video of the Girlfriend somewhere repeatedly and breathlessly stating, “No more run” as we came to the finish line. She is soooo cute.

So to celebrate this achievement, we went to watch Le Noir, former Cirque du Soleil performers who portray the “intimate, dark, naughty side of Cirque.” I like. +)

 
That’s the photo blogpost for the last time I didn’t blog until now. Keeping quite busy and there’s quite a lot of things to think about and consider.

*****

On a completely different note, I have paid for and am getting my certification as a Ceroc UK Beginner’s teacher. The course starts tomorrow and requires two whole days of training for me, plus another 3 days of training after work with an intense video examination which will be sent to the UK HQ for dissection before they decide that I am good enough to be one of them.

I had a training session with the girls yesterday who are also looking to become instructors. In a way, I pity them, as they had to learn to lead and also learn to narrate and teach whilst dancing the moves, etc. They’re doing all right, though, but it comes to a serious realization that I might need to “hold the fort” so to speak, for the most bit. Out of all of them, I turn out to be the one with the most dancing/teaching experience so I’m hoping I will be up to the task.

It keeps me interested and this is something that I have always wanted to do for a long time but I have never had the chance or had enough interest to go ahead and complete. 

They say that on your deathbed, you never regret the things you have done [That, I can say, is a lie. There are things I regret already.] but you regret the things that you have never done/had a chance to do. Living it up and beyond? Maybe? Who knows.

In the spirit of the festive season…

So good ‘ole Merlion City is getting dressed up for one of the most economically boosting holidays of the year. What else but Christmas?

The Girlfriend complains that it isn’t as nice as it was last year. Or the year before, in fact. This year’s theme seems to be of the red variety whereas in previous years, it was more purple or blue. I don’t really mind. Colour blind people tend not to care too much. Heh.

  I tend to view myself as more of a Scrooge, bellowing “Bah, humbug!” at the idea of Christmas. It’s another day, after all, for me. I wonder if I’m losing the magic. Or whether there never was any magic for me in the first place.

As much as direct-to-TV movies, shopping propaganda, and general feel-good vibes in the atmosphere would lead most of us to believe, Christmas for me has never been anything more than another day. Sure, we’ll head to church, sing some carols, shake hands with people we don’t really know, and leave. Presents were never really a thing for us at home and I never grew up expecting presents at Christmas. Heck, I didn’t even get an allowance until I took a student loan for university! And when I started working, I never limited Christmas to the only day that I get myself something to enjoy. +P

  Walked out of work one day and came across this sloppy mess of sparkly lights that is apparently, supposed to wish us a Merry Christmas. Good heavens, look at that. It’s like management vomited on the shrubs.

St Nick wishin’ me a happy Christmas at lunch. Thought this was a nice touch to the holiday season.

*****

Every week, I get constant updates regarding new job opportunities in town. And I find myself deleting them one after another, not even bothering to read up and see what’s out there for me anymore. I wonder what this says about my working status here.

Aaaannnnyyyway, I’ve used up all the pictures I wanted for this post. 

Tootles.

Mid-Autumn Festival

So today's Mid-Autumn Festival.

Candles, tea candles, lanterns, floating lanterns, and sparkles adorned the park and the night sky behind my flat.

It's a different feel from the usual loud and noisy Chinese traditional celebrations where there's plenty of instrumental music and loud voices and laughter. This is the subdued version. Very subdued, I must say.

A lot of Chinese traditions are just an excuse for gathering together and having lots of food. This one is no exceptions. I went out to town with the Girlfriend for dinner and it was quiet. Merlion City? Quiet, you gotta be kidding me. But it was. And it was nice to have a quiet dinner without having to fight tons of people just to get food.

For some reason, this celebration provoked a sense of nostalgia and a sense of a need for contemplation and reflection. The celebration itself of the Mid-Autumn Festival can either be viewed as a "Valentine's Day" of sorts or for those with a more patriotic sense of the holiday, can view it as a revolution.

This was one of the few floating lanterns that I managed to catch tonight as it floated up into the sky. The fact that the moon was in the background was a bonus.

The night air was slightly hazy with all the different small fires that were burning. A creative bunch of teenagers had lit at least 50 candles around one of the outdoor benches. Strangely, when I asked permission to take a picture, they all pretty much got out of the way of the lenses. I was trying to make it more of a candid shot but now, it looks like it was abandoned instead. Oh well.

Walking back to my flat, I thought it was quite a nice shot to take the reflection of the light in the water of the condo next to my place.

This picture actually turned out a bit better than I thought it would. You can kinda look at it as one of pictures of bridges that symbolises a journey or something philosophical. I'm not quite exactly in that mood so I'll let y'all deal with the deep thought aspect of things. Heh.

And hopefully, within the next two weeks or so, I'd have the ability to have a better camera with me. A superzoom, to be precise. But let's see what happens.

On that note, 4 more working days and I'm off for a week holiday + attendance to the sister's bar admission in good ole' Aotearoa! Absolutely can't wait!

Lucky

I always tell people I'm lucky.

I tell them, "I'm born under a lucky star" or that "When I was born, the stars aligned in the sky and then I'm just been showered upon with luck ever since." For the religious types, I use the oft quoted phrase, "I'm blessed."

But I guess, indeed, I am. 

Yeah, sure I'm a bit disgruntled with where I am in life. I'm still looking for more options out there regarding my career, my lifestyle, where I want to be. I have my sights set on high lofty goals which I am too chicken to do anything about so that's probably why I still have something to blog about. 

But I'm getting to that stage of my life where the damn cursed wanderlust is kicking in again. And perhaps its more than just that, you know? 

Last night, whilst chilling with the Girlfriend during dinner, I found myself in the mood to not do much at all with my current situation. Preferably, I would have liked to have submitted my resignation letter to my current employer and call it a day. However, my common sense of self-preservation decides to deny me that small self satisfactory action by reminding me that there still needs to be a roof over my head and food on my table. A starving tiger cannot be a plump tiger, right?

But you know how sometimes, there must be something more to the current life that you're living in? I 

I really cannot say that I am unsatisfied. 

I'm living in an awesome room, the Girlfriend is a dream come true (save the little squabbles about my levels of hygiene), I have a job that pays me double of what I would usually get working in a normal company/hospital with my level of experience. 

I guess I have to count my blessings more often. 

But you know, I do not think it is as simple as a matter of waking up and thanking the Almighty for the wonderful things. Call me ungrateful, because that is what I probably am. Ingrate. Meh.

Day's coming to an end though. But I'm finding myself being pushed towards the more teeter-y side of the chessboard.

Tootles.

Empty.

My head remains empty.

Every morning when I wake up, it takes me so much just to drag myself out of bed and to get ready for work.

The Girlfriend chatters away happily in the morning, talking about work or attempts to wake me up by poking me in various bodily regions. I'm still drowsy regardless.

It takes a lot out of the mind, I feel.

Things are moving, albeit slowly, and I feel like I'm only getting in the way.

Like today, for example.

Its a quiet day today.

I've got two patients to see because one of my initial consults cancelled this morning. So I'm suddenly freed up to do a lot more stuff. But I don't feel like doing anything.

So I'm doing little bits and pieces here and there, a bit of paperwork, a bit of video editing, and that's it. Keeps me busy.

Dear heavens, you can imagine how I'm longing for the weekend.